If you want to make a gesture it may be appropriate to:
- Thank them for their service.
- Buy their lunch/dinner anonymously
Sometimes people hesitate to talk to a veteran because they are not sure what to say.
Do's
- Listen carefully.
- Ask non-specific questions, such as "What was your experience like?"
- Spend time with the person, but realize they may really need some private time too.
- Be aware that the veteran may be feeling intense grief, guilt or shame and treat him or her with "respect, dignity and privacy."
Don'ts
- Ask him or her how many people he or she killed.
- Ask for specifics about combat operations.
- Take his anger or other feelings personally.
- Tell him or her that he or she is "lucky it wasn't worse" or that they are "lucky they survived;" a traumatized person is not consoled by those statements. Let them know if there is some way you can be helpful that you are willing to assist them.
- Assume every family member will be respectful and supportive; use discretion when you confide in others in an effort to help.
- Rush the veteran into social and recreational activities; this must be done gradually as symptoms improve.
- Give your armchair general or political analysis of the war.
- Allow the abuse of drugs and alcohol as a solution.
- Attempt to strong arm the service member, except to prevent serious assault or suicide attempts.